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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29447661">the story of how karkat almost brutally murdered a person</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/snufkinkin/pseuds/snufkinkin'>snufkinkin</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>obligatory high school AU [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Homestuck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Attempt at Humor, Gen, M/M, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck), Yeah???, but it belongs in my davekat series so, most of it is just normal text, theres technically not a lot of actual davekat in this</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 18:21:25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,999</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29447661</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/snufkinkin/pseuds/snufkinkin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"“You can’t just say that you almost killed a person and think that people aren’t gonna be curious.” He makes a good point, but you are really not looking forward to telling the story. You know you promised Dave, but… 1. You didn’t take into account that he has other friends that you would also have to tell the story to, which in retrospect was pretty stupid on your part, and 2. The story is honestly humiliating for you, which you didn’t really consider when you promised Dave, since you were more focused on getting a new friend at the time."</p><p>or</p><p>Karkat regretting the promise he made in the first fic in this series</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>obligatory high school AU [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2162979</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>the story of how karkat almost brutally murdered a person</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i put off posting this for a while and then kinda forgot about it, but i read this again, edited a few things and figured it was good enough to post</p><p>here you go ig</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <i>Mist is just someone putting the simulation on low graphics settings</i>, you absent-mindedly ponder at 8 in the morning on your bus to school. As you look out the window, you can barely see the trees that are lining the streets, despite them being only a few yards away. It's truly a wonder that the bus is even moving today, seeing as the misty weather paired with the old bus drivers' horrible eyesight are practically begging for a car crash to take place.
</p><p>Then again, this is public school. So it’s not that wondrous.</p><p>Regardless, you hope you'll stay alive to tell the story of how close the bus was to hitting an eight-wheeler truck. Oh, and also the story of how close you were to killing one of your friends. You'd almost forgotten about that because of this heart-attack-inducing bus ride you're on! You don't believe in God, but if he’s real, he’d better be on your side right now.</p><p>You grip your grimy seat every time the bus makes a turn. You feel fresh gum stick to your finger and suppress a gag. Fuck this and fuck God.</p><p>-</p><p><i>I'm pretty sure that took 50 years off of my life span</i>, you think when you finally get off the bus. You're still trying to get the piece of gum off your finger when you hear someone call your name.</p><p>You look up and see Dave, and three other people who you assume are his friends.</p><p>One of them, a girl with wild black hair, lights up at seeing you.</p><p>“You almost killed someone?” she asks amusedly. Oh, great.</p><p>“Wonderful. I’m known as the guy who almost killed someone,” you groan. You fiddle with your finger, trying to get the piece of gum off discreetly.</p><p>“There’s no way that you almost killed anyone!” The guy with glasses says. “You’re so…”</p><p>“Lacking in stature?” The short-haired girl supplies. Everyone chuckles at her quip, except for you. Height jokes have kind of lost their sting after a while, but they don’t get any funnier in return.</p><p>“Dave, I’m being bullied by your friends and you’re just going to accept it?” You say, disgruntled. The gum still isn’t coming off of your finger. What the fuck is this gum made out of?</p><p>“Don’t worry man, you get used to it,” he dismisses you with a wave of his hand. The guy with the glasses speaks up again.</p><p>“Oh, we should probably introduce ourselves, huh? I’m John,” he says.</p><p>“I’m Jade!” One of the girls says, grinning wide.</p><p>“Rose. On the behalf of everyone: it’s a pleasure to meet you, Karkat,” the short-haired girl– Rose, says.</p><p>“Um, yeah. You too,” you reply. Are you like… part of the group now or something? God, you feel so fucking awkward. Especially with this stupid gum still stuck on your finger. Dave seems to notice your struggle.</p><p>“Uh, dude, you good there?” He points at your hand.</p><p>“Yeah, there’s just a piece of gum stuck on my finger. Seriously, are we still in fucking grade school or something? Just wait until you get to throw your gross piece of gum into, you know, the trash? Where it fucking belongs? It’s really not that hard, but of course, these assmunchers with one brain cell floating around in their skull can’t comprehend that possibility!” You finish your rant and immediately notice that everyone in the group is looking at you with varyingly amused and/or surprised expressions. “...Bottom line, the people who stick their gum under seats are first in line to Hell.”</p><p>John is the first one to react with a snort of laughter.</p><p>“Oh man, Karkat, that was great! Do you that often?” He asks, smiling from ear to ear.</p><p>“...Do what.”</p><p>“That whole ranting thing!”</p><p>“No wonder David was quick to make friends with you,” Rose notes with an annoying smile.</p><p>“Yeah, you’re both equally chatty!” Jade joins in. Dave pouts a little.</p><p>“Dude, not cool. This is slander,” he complains. You roll your eyes.</p><p>“Oh, so when it’s just me they’re bullying, it’s not a big deal?”</p><p>“Exactly,” he says, smirking. “But for real though, you might wanna get that gum out pretty quick.”</p><p>“Yeah? What do you think I’ve been trying to do for the past five fucking minutes?”</p><p>“Jesus man, the fuck’s that thing made out of?” </p><p>“That’s exactly what I’ve been thinking!” You throw your hands up in exasperation.</p><p>“Hey, Karkat. What’s your first class?” Jade suddenly asks.</p><p>“Uh. Physics, I think?” You shrug. “Why?”</p><p>“Oh, me too! I can help you get the gum out while we walk to class,” she says with an oh-so kind smile.</p><p>“Let’s go,” you immediately say. Jade giggles.</p><p>“See you guys later, then!” She says to the others, who respond with their goodbyes and walk off in different directions.</p><p>“So, the gum.” Jade looks at you with a determined expression and begins scouring her backpack for something. You have a feeling it’s going to be a long day.</p><p>-</p><p>So it turns out Jade has a hunting knife with her at all times. That’s really all there is to say on the matter.</p><p>On another note though, physics goes by fast, if only because you have Jade with you. Turns out, she’s really good at physics. She tried to help you with the assignment you were all given, which you did appreciate, but… you just copied most of her answers anyway. It’s not your fault they put physics of all things as your first class at 8 AM. </p><p>Anyways. Next up you have math, which Rose also happens to have.</p><p>“Karkat. Great to see you again,” she says when you sit down next to her.</p><p>“Yeah, so great,” you reply, because it’s math. She flashes a smile that you fear will become all-too-familiar.</p><p>“I take it you aren’t too good at maths?”</p><p>“Anyone who is scares me,” you grumble. She snickers quietly. How entertaining your pain must be. After a moment’s silence, Rose speaks up again.</p><p>“I was wondering,” she muses, “where does the name ‘Karkat’ originate from?”</p><p>“Are you making fun of me in some weird, elaborate way?”</p><p>“Ha. No, I’m actually curious. Name etymology can be rather interesting sometimes. A friend of mine’s name comes from the Sanskrit counterpart for ‘Virgo’, which is quite funny, seeing as she wasn’t born in late August nor September.”</p><p>“Oh. Huh,” you say. “I haven’t really thought about it? I’m pretty used to people asking questions about my name, but I don’t actually know what it means.”</p><p>“Hmm. I might have to look it up later,” she says. </p><p><i>That went pretty well</i>, you think. She kind of reminds you of a friend.</p><p>Then you look up to realize you haven’t taken any of the notes on the blackboard. Goddamnit.</p><p>-</p><p>Next up is ethics class, which you have with Dave.</p><p>“I really don’t understand why we need to talk about morals and shit. Like, I already know that I shouldn’t be an asshole,” you lament to him as you’re doing the assignment. He does that nose-exhale laugh thing you do when you’re amused.</p><p>“Do you though?” He says. This motherfucker.</p><p>“Oh, that’s rich coming from you.”</p><p>“Hey, I never said I wasn’t an asshole. I fully embrace my asshole status. Wait shit that came out wrong.”</p><p>You can’t help but snort at his slip-up. He frowns.</p><p>“I’ll report you to the principal for bullying me like this,” he says.</p><p>“You’ll never get to hear my story,” you remind him.</p><p>“Do I want to? After this horrible experience, I’m giving you zero stars and a strongly worded essay on Yelp.”</p><p>“Since when did I have a Yelp page?”</p><p>“Since now. I made one for you in the two seconds it took you to ask that. Did you know that I own the entirety of the internet? I’m practically the Casanova of the World Wide Web.”</p><p>“What the fuck does that mean?”</p><p>“So many questions, so little answers.”</p><p>“Yeah, no shit. Are you high right now or something?”</p><p>“Nah. But it would be pretty funny if I was, right?”</p><p>“It would give insight into what the hell is wrong with your brain, that’s for sure.”</p><p>The whole lesson went like that. Surprisingly enough though, you didn’t hate it. Dave was actually pretty funny, even with his weird-ass analogies and obsession with “irony”. By the end of the lesson, you find that rather than him making you actually angry, you’re just playfully bantering with him.</p><p>-</p><p>It seems that by sheer coincidence (see: plot convenience) you have one class for each of your new friend group’s members, because after ethics class, you have biology with John.</p><p>“Hey, Karkat!” You hear him call out. He’s exaggeratedly waving at you, all while grinning excitedly.</p><p>“Are you usually this embarrassing?” You ask when you walk up to him. He grins even wider.</p><p>“You’re pretty funny,” he says, “And for your information, yes. I am super embarrassing all the time.”</p><p>“Good to know. Now I know to stay far away from you,” you say while sitting down right next to him. Despite this, John frowns dramatically.</p><p>“Aw. I didn’t even get to hear the story yet.”</p><p>“Ugh. Stop reminding me.”</p><p>“How can I? You can’t just say that you almost killed a person and think that people aren’t gonna be curious.” He makes a good point, but you are really not looking forward to telling the story. You know you promised Dave, but… 1. You didn’t take into account that he has other friends which you would also have to tell the story to, which in retrospect was pretty stupid on your part, and 2. The story is honestly humiliating for you, which you didn’t really consider when you promised Dave, since you were more focused on getting a new friend at the time.</p><p>Instead of spouting out that word-vomit though, you just grumble in response, to which John replies by laughing at you. Apparently, he laughed out too loud, since the teacher decides to call on him.</p><p>“John, would you like to answer?” John looks like a deer in headlights, before confidently clearing his throat.</p><p>“Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell, sir.”</p><p>There’s a good few seconds of silence before the teacher responds.</p><p>“...That’s correct. Thank you, John.”</p><p>Oh my god.</p><p>The teacher quickly goes back to talking about useless stuff. </p><p>You and John exchange looks while attempting to not burst out laughing because <i>holy fuck how did that work.</i></p><p>-</p><p>After that whole situation (which you are still not over), you have lunch.</p><p>“We can walk together! Everyone else has lunch at the same time, so you’ll finally get to tell your murder story to all of us.” John winks at you as you’re both walking down the hallway.</p><p>“Uh, yeah.” You feel really anxious all of a sudden. “Actually, I have to go to the bathroom. You can go already.”</p><p>“Oh, ok. Don’t take too long!” He says as he walks off. </p><p>You quickly make it to the nearest bathroom, and after you lock the door, you immediately pull out your phone.</p><p><span class="pesterlog"> -- </span> <span class="karkat"> carcinoGeneticist [CG] </span> <span class="pesterlog"> began trolling </span> <span class="kanaya"> grimAuxiliatrix [GA] </span> <span class="pesterlog"> at 12:02 -- </span></p><p>
  <span class="karkat">CG: HELP.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="kanaya">GA: What Is The Problem</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">CG: THAT WAS A SUSPICIOUSLY QUICK RESPONSE.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="kanaya">GA: My Current Class Is Not Particularly Interesting</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="kanaya">GA: The Teacher Is Not Present And There Are Three Boys Performing A Cheerleader Routine Whilst Singing “Everybody” By The Backstreet Boys</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="kanaya">GA: Regardless</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="kanaya">GA: What Did You Need</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">CG: IGNORING THE MINDFUCK OF A SENTENCE YOU JUST WROTE OUT,</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">CG: IT’S LUNCH HERE AND I’M SUPPOSED TO BE TELLING FOUR NEW FRIENDS THE STORY OF HOW I ALMOST KILLED TEREZI THAT ONE TIME.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="kanaya">GA: That Sounds Rather Entertaining</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">CG: YEAH, FOR THE PEOPLE LISTENING!</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="kanaya">GA: That Is What I Was Implying Yes</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="kanaya">GA: But I Think Youll Be Fine Karkat</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="kanaya">GA: If These Four People Have Already Established A Friendship With You I Doubt They Will End It</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="kanaya">GA: The Story Is Quite Hilarious So If Anything It Will Only Tighten The Bond</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">CG: I FUCKING HOPE IT WILL.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">CG: GOD, IMAGINE HOW HORRIBLE IT WOULD BE IF THEY JUST STOPPED TALKING TO ME AND TOLD EVERYONE AT THE SCHOOL WHAT I DID AND THEN EVERYONE WOULD AVOID ME.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">CG: THAT WOULD REALLY BE SOMETHING.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="kanaya">GA: Karkat What I Think Is Happening Here Is You Hating Yourself For Something That Happened Ages Ago And That Was Already Forgiven</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="kanaya">GA: Terezi Finds The Story Quite Funny</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="kanaya">GA: And Shes The One That Almost Got Murdered</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="kanaya">GA: So Im Sure Your New Friends Will Too</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">CG: …</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">CG: UGH.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">CG: YOU’RE PROBABLY RIGHT.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="kanaya">GA: Yes</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="kanaya">GA: You Should Go Now</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="kanaya">GA: Im Sure Your Friends Are Awaiting You With Baited Breath</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">CG: HAHA.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">CG: THANKS, KANAYA.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="kanaya">GA: Of Course</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="pesterlog"> -- </span>
  <span class="karkat">[CG] carcinoGeneticist</span>
  <span class="pesterlog">  ceased trolling</span>
  <span class="kanaya"> [GA] grimAuxiliatrix </span>
  <span class="pesterlog"> at 12:07 --</span>
</p><p>You take a few deep breaths, and finally, step out of the bathroom.</p><p>You arrive at the cafeteria and hear your name being called out for the umpteenth time today.</p><p>“Yo, Karkat!” It’s kind of a miracle that you hear Dave’s voice over the chatter of the school cafeteria, but you manage to pinpoint that it’s coming from the leftmost corner, looking from the entrance. You can see Dave and the rest of the group sitting at a circular table with one free seat wedged between Dave and Jade. You take the seat.</p><p>“Hey Kit-Kat,” Dave says with that stupid smirk of his.</p><p>“We are not on good enough terms yet for you to call me that,” you say.</p><p>“I like the ‘yet’ part.”</p><p>“Implying that he can stand you long enough for you to get to that point,” Rose teases. </p><p>“Hey, I’m irresistible. I guess not everyone is ready for my overwhelming levels of coolness though,” Dave argues. You and John both simultaneously groan at that.</p><p>“Please don’t tell me you’re going to start rapping about how cool you are again,” John pleads. The fact that this is a regular occurrence does not surprise you in the slightest.</p><p>“What a great idea, I’ll do that right away,” Dave says and takes a big breath to prepare for his totally awesome freestyle rap performace before Jade reaches over you and covers Dave’s mouth with her hand.</p><p>“No rapping at the lunch table!” She shouts. Dave must’ve licked Jade’s hand, because she pulls away almost immediately.</p><p>“Ew! Come on, Dave,” she complains. John snickers at the interaction while Rose looks on amusedly. It kind of reminds you of your friend group back at your old school. You smile. Rose clears her throat.</p><p>“Alright then. I think everyone has had their fill of lunchtime hijinks.” She looks at you. “If I remember correctly, you were supposed to tell us a story?”</p><p>“Don’t act like you haven’t been waiting for this the entire day.”</p><p>“Fair enough,” she chuckles. Everyone settles down, looking at you expectantly.</p><p>“Here goes,” you start.</p><p>“So, to preface the whole story, the friend I almost killed is blind. It ties into the story, so that’s why I’m mentioning it.”</p><p>“You almost killed a blind person? Karkles, how could you,” Dave gasps dramatically.</p><p>“Shut up, I’m telling a story here. Also, I thought I told you that the nicknames are not allowed.”</p><p>“To be fair, you only told me that ‘Kit-Kat’ wasn’t allowed.” He shrugs. You roll your eyes at his response and he does a ‘zipping my lips’ motion with his fingers. </p><p>“So, I had a pretty big group of friends back home,” You continue, “and we were all hanging out, save for a select few. My blind friend, who I’ll call T, has a walking cane. She, um. She has this thing where she likes to act like an old lady and hit people with her cane?” Everyone gives you varyingly confused looks. </p><p>“It’s… it’s pretty weird, but she just finds it funny.” You attempt to explain. “So, on this particular day, we were all walking down a street and she was hitting me with her cane. She never hits too hard or anything, but it was getting on my nerves, so I pushed her. It was just meant to be a light push, nothing more, but I guess she was already kind of unbalanced, so… ugh. I accidentally pushed her onto the road, and conveniently, a car was headed straight at her. Luckily, the driver stopped in time for T to not get crushed and I ended up getting a stern talk from a random old man, all while T was cackling right next to me.”</p><p>Everyone is silent for a moment, and you feel your face get hotter by the second before John speaks up.</p><p>“Dude, does your friend have no sense of fear?”</p><p>“...Pretty much, yeah,” you respond.</p><p>“She scares me,” John muses out loud.</p><p>“I’m surprised the old man didn’t end up calling the police,” Rose says. </p><p>“I’m glad he didn’t.” You shiver.</p><p>“Yeah, if you ended up in jail you might’ve not been here to tell the story,” Dave says.</p><p>“Right, because your entertainment matters most,” you say, rolling your eyes for the thousandth time. “Not the fact that my life might have been forever ruined by a criminal record.”</p><p>“It wasn't though! And that’s what matters most,” Jade says happily, and quickly tacks on, “because we got to hear the story.”</p><p>You try to suppress your smile and fail miserably.</p><p>The rest of the lunch (and day, for that matter) goes smoothly, and you go home feeling accomplished.</p><p>
  <span class="pesterlog"> --</span>
  <span class="karkat"> [CG] carcinoGeneticist </span>
  <span class="pesterlog"> began trolling</span>
  <span class="kanaya"> [GA] grimAuxiliatrix</span>
  <span class="pesterlog">  at 17:20 --</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">CG: YOU WERE RIGHT.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="kanaya">GA: Of Course I Was</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">CG: HA HA.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="kanaya">GA: Im Glad You Enjoyed My Joke</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="kanaya">GA: Im Also Very Glad That You Made New Friends Karkat</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">CG: YEAH, ME TOO.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="kanaya">GA: Just Wait Until They Hear The Story Of How You Accidentally Became Drunk At A New Years Eve Party And Had To Hide It From Your Father</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">CG: NO SUCH THING HAPPENED.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="kanaya">GA: They Must Know Karkat</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">CG: NOOOOO.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="kanaya">GA: Soon Enough</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">CG: NOOOOOOOOOOOO</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>yeaaahhhh</p><p>pesterlogs are always fun to write but a pain to format</p><p>comments and kudos are always appreciated :) goodnight</p></blockquote></div></div>
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